Monday, September 30, 2013

For Writers: The Power of a Book Cover

A few months before RESTORED HEARTS was released, a woman approached me anxious to know when the book would be ready. I told her the manuscript was in the hands of my editor and would prayerfully be available soon.
The woman's son was grief-stricken and angry over his father's homosexual lifestyle. This mom was concerned that her ex-husband's behavior would destroy any hopes for a relationship between her son and his dad.
When RESTORED HEARTS came out, she bought a copy, read it, then passed it along to her son. I told her I would pray for healing and restoration in her family. The son made it to chapter three but could go no further. He closed the book and laid it aside. The reality of what many homosexuals encounter was too difficult for him to swallow.
That was two years ago. Even though I had not received any updates on this particular situation, I continued to pray as the Lord brought this family to mind.
A few months ago, the woman approached me again, this time with a spark of hope in her eyes. She told me that her son was sitting on a park bench when a butterfly landed on his backpack. He did a double-take when he realized the insect was the exact same species as the one on the RESTORED HEARTS book cover. Perhaps I need to go back and finish reading that book, he thought.
His mother reported that he did finish the book and told her he had changed his attitude toward his dad. He now wanted to seek healing and restoration for their relationship.
Sometimes, it's the small things—like a butterfly on a book cover revisited at a park bench—that God can use to make all the difference in the world.
 ~~
Eileen Rife is the author of the Born for India trilogy, inspired by her single missionary daughter’s call to India. She and her husband, Chuck, conduct marriage seminars in the states and overseas. www.eileenrife.com, www.guardyourmarriage.com

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

When Abuse Strikes: The Silent Grief


“Anger will hold you prisoner; forgiveness will set you free.”


        
I don't talk. I don't trust anybody. No one dare suspect.
        
Guilt. Shame. Confusion. Betrayal. Helplessness. Worthlessness. Frustration. Fear. Anger. These are the emotions hiding within me.       
        
Dare I feel? The pain is too intense. Perhaps if I bury these horrible feelings, they will go away. I remain frozen, numb, unfeeling, unmoved. I cannot relive the cruel past. I dare not anticipate the future. I am locked into this present agony, the same harsh reality day after day. Is there no place to run, to hide, to escape my life? I cry into my pillow every night, but no one hears. No one cares.  
        
I am the abused one. My loss is great. My grief runs deep.

Portrait of the Abuse Victim
        
Abuse represents something being taken away either physically, emotionally, or mentally resulting in a loss of safety, security, stability, control, and personal identity.
        
The abuse victim suffers isolation. He hesitates to tell anyone about the abuse for fear he will get into trouble. If the perpetrator is a family member or "friend", the victim may try to protect him. He may also try to protect other family members if the abuser has threatened to harm them if he tells.
      
Sexual abuse is especially damaging to a young child who is forced into the adult world before it is time. The child suffers a loss of innocence. While there is an increasing amount of male abuse, the majority of abuse victims are female. The abuse distorts her view of adults as trusting caregivers. If the abuser is her father, she is often confused about the role she plays within the family. In the morning, she is daddy's little girl and at night, his sex partner. She loves her dad and wants desperately to believe that he is good, all the while believing that she is terribly bad and did something to warrant the abuse. Her lost childhood impacts her deeply for it is a time when her view of the world and adults is being formed. She is vulnerable emotionally as well as physically. "Daddy is bigger than I am and supposed to be smarter." The abuse causes a black cloud to hover over her life on into adulthood. She learns not to trust anyone. She struggles to control everybody and every aspect of her life to somehow regain the control she lost as a youth.

Portrait of the Perpetrator
        
Most perpetrators are male and in more cases than not, someone the victim knows. Often the offender abuses in the same way he was abused as a child, and as a result, he too is filled with shame, hopelessness, and despair. He doesn't know how to relieve his emotional pain, so he repeats what he knows and has experienced. For example, a child who grows up receiving blood-producing beatings for no legitimate reason believes that the abuse is normal until he interacts with others outside his family and discovers that not everyone has had the same experience.
      
Seeking acceptance, power, and control, the abuser unleashes his unprincipled behavior on the most vulnerable, usually a child or female of any age. Many times, he feels a child will accept him more readily than an adult will. Because he has been the recipient of abusive behavior himself, his buried anger brews into hatred which is then acted out on those physically closest to him. This only leads to further guilt.

Lies the Victim Believe and the Truth She Needs to Embrace
           
I deserved the abuse.
      
The truth is, the sole responsibility lies with the offender. He is accountable for his own actions. Because she is created in the image of God, the abuse victim is a highly valued person and precious in the sight of her Maker (Psalm 139), and so is the offender.
        
I did something to cause the abuse.
        
Often a girl will feel that she brought on the abuse because she exuded sex appeal or some other behavior warranting abuse. Often, her belief system is influenced by what the perpetrator has told her. For example, a father sexually abusing his daughter may tell her he is teaching her how to relate to men. The truth is, the victim did not bring on the abuse. Although high testosterone levels may trigger sexual abuse, most often the abuse is a ploy for power and control. Again, the responsibility is solely in the hands of the perpetrator.
        
I am bad.
        
Feelings of shame run so deep that they distort the victim's belief system about who she really is. In the case of sexual abuse, the victim may feel she is dirty or warped for feeling pleasure during sexual abuse. The truth is, the body is programmed to respond to certain stimuli. False guilt may cause her to blame herself for what the perpetrator did. She did not ask for the abuse nor did she initiate it. The abuser did.
        
I can never be free.
        
Satan delights to hold the abuse victim in the grip of false guilt, anger, anxiety, bitterness, rejection, and unforgiveness. The truth is, God wants to release the chains of bondage and set the victim free! That is the very reason He sent His only begotten Son into the world to suffer at the hands of His abusers on the cross. He shed His own precious blood in order to secure our forgiveness for all time and eternity. Jesus bore our griefs on the cross and He carried our sorrows. He endured the agony for our well-being (Isaiah 53:4-6). We simply come to Him and lay our garbage at the foot of His cross and He takes care of the rest, as we build an altar out of our pain (Romans 12:1-2).
 
When we receive His free gift of forgiveness, we are delivered from the past. We can apply godly statements to our lives in the form of biblical self-talk. Search the Scriptures. The book of Ephesians is a wonderful place to begin uncovering the treasure of who you are in Christ. Our book, Marriage with an Attitude, contains a comprehensive listing of biblical "I am" statements with Scripture references. Below are a few.
 
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14).
        
I am loved and valued by God (Jer. 31:3).
        
I am completely forgiven by God and totally accepted by Him (Eph. 1:7).
        
I am a brand new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17).   
 
I am set free (John 8:31-32).

Seeing Abuse as God Sees It
        
When an abused person finally reaches the place where she can expose her buried feelings, she may express anger toward God. She may wonder,  If God is so big and so great and in control of everything, why didn't He stop my abuse?
      
The truth is God did not cause the abuse. The perpetrator did.  Through an act of His divine love, God created each one of us with a free will. We each have the God-given ability to choose Him and His goodness or to choose evil and the resulting behavior. This biblical principle takes us all the way back to the Garden of Eden where Adam and Eve made the choice to eat the forbidden fruit, incurring judgment on mankind. God doesn't keep evil from happening any more than He forces righteousness to happen.
      
God does, however, take the awful effects of abuse and turn them around for good to those who offer the twisted mess to Him. This is beautifully illustrated in Genesis 50:20 where Joseph responds to his jealous and abusive brothers after selling him into Egypt. He not only became a slave in a foreign land, but he was falsely accused of sexual misconduct, and unjustly thrown into prison. Joseph may have wondered, Where is God in all of this?
        
Joseph's response to his brothers is simply: "And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive" (Genesis 50:20). Acts 7:9 says that "God was with Joseph." God had delivered him out of prison and elevated him to a high position in the Egyptian government, using his skills to save the people from a devastating famine. Ultimately, he saved his own family--the very brothers who had abused him--from the same dreadful famine.
        
The most important step Joseph took in dealing with his abuse was to offer forgiveness to his brothers. He was only able to do this because he recognized God's hand in the whole situation. His brothers were astounded! They thought for sure he would retaliate and use the power of his position to imprison them or kill them. But not so. Joseph had received comfort from God and was able to extend that same comfort to his brothers. As Loren Fischer once said: "The difference between holding on to a hurt or releasing it with forgiveness-- is like the difference between laying your head down at night on a pillow filled with thorns or a pillow filled with rose petals."

Help, Where Do I Turn?

You are ready to admit the truth about your abuse. Now you need help. Perhaps you need to literally get out of the situation you are in and seek a safe refuge. Check the phone book or call information for the nearest abuse hotline or shelter. Call 911 if in immediate danger. Talk to a counselor about your abuse and related feelings. It will take time to establish trust, but by all means, keep talking. Vent your feelings verbally and in writing. Work with the authorities to prosecute the offender. This may be extremely difficult and painful for you, but a necessary step to guard against further hurt to other innocent victims. 

~~

 (Excerpt taken from When Mourning Comes, Living Through Loss by Chuck and Eileen Rife (c) 2002. Available new or used in paperback).

        

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Build a Well in India: My Granddaughter's Project

For over a year, my six-year-old granddaughter, Kylie, has been raising money to build a well in India. Her latest effort: "Decorate a Cupcake, Build a Well" took place at Grandma's house today. 

Several children and even a few adults dropped by to decorate a cupcake, purchase a bottle of water or lemonade, and view the artwork Kylie and her friends made and displayed in the front yard.

Kylie and her helpers brought in $60!

To date, Kylie's raised over $400! The projected cost of a well is $3000.

More pics of the day!

Grandson Ethan puts on a puppet show for the spectators while they eat their cupcakes.
Rylie displays artwork.
The "Decorate a Cupcake, Build a Well" Team

Great job,guys!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Giving away a Kindle copy of Second Chance!

Mave wants the life back in her marriage. 
Dareece just wants a life. 
Could they be the answer to each other’s dream?

Mave Robertson, a recent empty nester, wants the fire back in her marriage, but her husband, Jerry, remains aloof. Is he having an affair? A midlife crisis? When a neighbor suggests she “get a life,” Mave accepts the challenge and volunteers at an inner-city teen ministry where she is thrown into a culture of drugs, gangs, and unwed teen moms. She soon discovers someone she can help, but might he also be the cure for both her stale marriage and her crumbling relationship with her father?

Dareece Jackson, a teen from the projects, wants something in Mave’s purse...and he’ll stop at nothing to get it.

“Transcends race and reaches the extremes—from suburbia to the ghetto, from guilt over a loved one’s murder to a marriage gone dull. With a dash of humor for balance, Second Chance will speak to your heart, no matter your station in life.”
—April W. Gardner, author of the Creek Country Saga; Sr. Editor of the literary site, Clash of the Titles

“Refreshing and thought-provoking.” —Jennifer Slattery of Novel Reviews and Clash of the Titles
“Transports readers into the worlds of two very diverse characters. With laughter, tears, and sighs, you’ll enjoy every turn of the page.”
—Fay Lamb, author of Because of Me, Treble Heart Books

“Gently unfolds the truth that sometimes, the best is yet to come, from unexpected people, and places, and hearts.” —Sandra Byrd, author of To Die For: A Novel of Anne Boleyn

A poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places

Leave a comment, along with your email address, for a chance to win a Kindle copy!
Contest ends September 30


Thursday, September 12, 2013

At what cost, power?

Twin brothers, yet total opposites. Concerned about the decrease of polar bears in the Arctic, journalist Thomas Asher plans a trip he never takes. Billionaire investor with the ability to mesmerize an audience, Jude Asher seeks a Senate seat no matter the price. After all, “the end justifies the means” according to Jude. When Thomas reluctantly joins Jude’s campaign, the past comes back to haunt him. A past that involved mysterious forces at play in Jude’s life and that still orchestrate events in the present. This odd phenomenon sends Thomas on a quest for answers which leads him to a remote mountain area in Montana. All the while, Jude powers his way to the top, but at what cost?

In Jude, Jeff Nesbit writes a chilling account of what can happen when a human driven by demonic powers is left unchecked. Written with simplicity and clarity, Nesbit delivers a compelling story dealing with complex current issues and a clarion call concerning future events.

I would have enjoyed more action over the predominant back story and narrative, but overall, the book lived up to its promise. Reading groups: Pick this one up! Jude offers much to ponder!  

Release date: September 20! Pre-order


About Jeff Nesbit


Jeff Nesbit has written 19 inspirational novels with Tyndale, Zondervan, Thomas Nelson, Guideposts, Summerside Press, David C. Cook, Hodder & Stoughton, Harold Shaw (part of Random House) and Victor Books. In addition, he writes a regular science and technology blog for U.S. News & World Report called "At the Edge" for the magazine's News section, which is also available through TechMediaNetwork.

Nesbit was a senior public affairs official in the U.S. Senate and federal agencies such as the Food and Drug Administration; a national journalist with Knight-Ridder and others; head of a strategic communications consulting firm for more than a decade; director of communications for former Vice President Dan Quayle at the White house; and the director of legislative and public affairs at the National Science Foundation from 2006-2011.

Ramona Tucker and Nesbit co-founded OakTara Publishers, an inspirational fiction publishing house, in 2006 to encourage new writers and bring out-of-print works from established authors back into the marketplace. OakTara has published 300-plus titles since then.

His latest novel, JUDE, will be published by David C. Cook on Sept. 20, 2013. It’s available for pre-order now. Emperor gods have ruled the earth only one time before in modern history - during the time of Jesus. The rise of Christianity ended their reign as emperor gods more than two centuries later, and none have appeared since. So is it possible for an emperor god to rise again? JUDE explores that question: "A man rises to the pinnacle of earthly wealth, fame, and power by calling on demonic powers; his twin's opposing path brings him into direct conflict," the publisher says of the novel. His two previous novels in 2011 and 2012 —PEACE/Summerside Press and OIL/Guideposts—looked at what might happen if Israel decides to attack Iran's nuclear facilities.