Understand that grieving the loss of your baby will take time. Your miscarriage experience was different from any other woman, yet you share a common bond with those who have lost babies. Find a friend to share with. Don't forget to confide in your husband as well. Remember, he's hurting, too.
Realize that many well-meaning people will not understand your loss. They may try to minimize your pain with statements like, "You're young, you'll have more children." That may be true, but on the heels of a miscarriage, the words sound insensitive and do not acknowledge the child you lost. Many do not even want to talk about the loss, but your feelings are still there and very real. Express them to someone who is genuinely concerned.
Accept the physical help of others, so that you have plenty of quiet time to sort out your feelings and rest to recover emotionally and physically. Remember, your body is adjusting to hormonal changes just as it would after childbirth.
Plan a weekend retreat with your husband, a special meal, or an evening out to recover as a couple and renew your love and commitment to each other. Buy something just for yourself, like a new dress. I remember coming home from the hospital and opening the closet. Maternity clothes that I had already begun to wear lined the rack. My time in them had been cut short because of the miscarrige. I had to grieve something as simple, yet as real as that.
If you have other children, receive their love. Resist the temptation to push them away. They are full of affection and also questions about the baby. Answer them honestly and in terms they can understand, geared to their maturity level. Relieve the child's concern if you sense he blames himself in any way for the miscarriage. He may be thinking, If I had let mommy rest that day, this would not have happened or; If I had picked up my toys like mommy asked me to, this wouldn't have happened. The fact is every one surrounding the loss tends to blame himself in some way or another, but his thinking is irrational and untrue. No one is to blame for the miscarriage.
Be patient in planning another pregnancy. Give your body and mind a few months to recover. Ask God for His perfect timing. Seek medical advice if there is a pattern of miscarriage. Both your husband and you may need to undergo testing to determine the cause of the miscarriage and what potential treatment is required. Bathe any decisions concerning medical procedures in prayer with your husband. Remember, you are a team. God will direct you as you turn your body and family over to Him.
Excerpt taken from When Mourning Comes, Living Through Loss (c) 2002 Chuck and Eileen Rife
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