Saying Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever

         My husband, Chuck, and I stood on our front stoop waving to our oldest daughter as she pulled out of our driveway on her way to Tennessee. With a sly smile, Chuck uttered through clenched teeth, "She doesn't have a clue where she is going." I thought to myself--neither do we!  Rachel was concerned about finding her way to a summer camp. We were concerned about finding our way through the transition years to the empty nest. Rachel did make her ultimate destination. Sometimes I wondered if Chuck and I would.

       As Chuck held the storm door open for me, he joked, "Parenting reminds me of that line in the Jurassic Park movie, "First comes the oohing and aahing, and then comes the yelling and the screaming." One of the main characters, a scientist, who had previously been to the dinosaur reserve was explaining the typical reaction of a new comer to the park. Then when faced with an actual life-size dinosaur, reality set in. As new parents, we had experienced our share of oohs and aahs. No longer new kids on the block, we now embraced the glaring reality that parenting is just plain hard work and at times, down right scary. Some days we just wanted to scream--at our kids, at ourselves for handling a situation badly, or simply to release the pain we felt at saying goodbye to our grown children.

         As I said goodbye to Rachel that day on her way to camp, I realized anew that parenting is terminal. It does eventually come to an end, or at least it should under healthy conditions. I spent the year before Rachel's high school graduation coming to grip with that fact. Grieving her lost childhood and uncertain about my new relationship with her, I snuck behind doors to conceal my tears, scurried off to the bathroom in the middle of dinner to blow my nose, and smothered her with hugs whenever she walked past me. One day while washing dishes, I burst into tears. Rachel walked into the kitchen and I immediately opened a cabinet door to hide my face. I didn't want to make her transition from home any harder on her than it already was. I started to leave, but as I turned to walk away, Rachel looked me straight in the eyes, took me in her arms, and squeezed. That "squeeze" opened the door for a closer relationship as I no longer tried to shut her out of my pain. We could now walk through the transition together. As she was leaving the kitchen, Rachel turned and with a twinkle in her eye, said, “Oh, and by the way, saying goodbye doesn’t mean forever. I’ll be back!”

         Several reminders helped as I let Rachel go and grow into the woman God desired her to be. I pray these suggestions also help you as you release your grown child.

            Be aware that transition times are the hardest. Helping your young person move to complete independence requires thinking through the practical affairs of living. Sit down together with your teen and talk about goals. Write any thoughts down on paper. Will your child get a job or go to college? If he chooses college, will he work to pay his way or will you offer financial assistance? Will he purchase a car? When? Each child and each situation is different, so it is important to sit down together and map out a strategy in keeping with the child's goals and available resources. Carol Kuykendall has written an excellent book published by Tyndale House titled, Give Them Wings, on preparing your teen to leave home. She shows parents how to help their teens set goals for themselves, manage finances, maintain a car, do laundry, as well as other life skills necessary for living on one’s own. A church friend loaned the book to me during my daughter’s senior year of high school. I found the advice timely, practical, and comforting. I highly recommend it to you for additional help in this time of transition.

            When your teen is "under his own roof" financially, then he can make his own decisions. As long as you are footing the bill for college or any other venture, your teen is accountable to you and has not fully left. Finance leads to freedom which leads to independence. We encouraged Rachel to seek part time employment during high school in order to assist with college. While she was not financially independent from mom and dad, she developed a healthy appreciation for what it takes to live on one’s own. She set up savings and checking accounts and learned how to manage both. She helped with the family car expenses, such as gas, repairs, and insurance. She understood that as long as mom and dad were paying for college or gap year experiences, she needed to consult with us about her plans. Thankfully, we have been able to add our blessing to Rachel’s dreams, and therefore have not had difficulty providing financial backing on that score. If, in your case, you do find it difficult to mentally or spiritually support your child’s aspirations, and after prayer, counsel, and communication with your teen, discover he still feels inclined to follow his dream, then you will need to release that child to fund himself.

          Set boundaries before your teen leaves home. Establish some plan for phone calls, emails, or letters. If your child has left the home financially independent, then he is no longer a child. He has moved from Ephesians 6:1--"Children, obey your parents in the Lord" to Ephesians 6:2--"Honor your father and mother." If he has been taught from the cradle to respect your authority in a way that has been loving and also respectful to him, then most likely he will continue to honor you through his actions and words. To do so shows true maturity on his part. Don't overload your grown child with advice. During these transition years, it may seem as if he needs you one minute and casts you aside the next. Be patient as he moves toward full independence. Allow him to learn what you had to learn by experiencing life. And by all means, keep praying!

         That day in the kitchen was a breakthrough for me. Rachel’s serenity and assurance reminded me that her dad and I had prepared her for the next step. I could let go with confidence that her heavenly Father would protect, provide, and guide her as she stepped out into the world. As Rachel looked at me, with broken voice, I stammered, "I know you have to leave. That's right and good. Please bear with me as I deal with saying goodbye. Crying is just part of being a mom." Rachel quietly responded, "I know. And guess what? Saying goodbye doesn't mean forever. I'll be back."   

 ~~

 Check out my latest novel, Second Chance, which profiles an empty nest mom who wants the life back in her marriage.

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Telling Our Kids the Truth About Life Without Scaring Them to Death

I grew up in small town America. Neighbor kids and I roamed the hills (literally, since we lived in the Smokies). We stayed out past dark, playing kick the can and catching those illusive fireflies. From the time my eyes were level with the kitchen table, I strolled down a few blocks to our local grocery store where Mr. Adams, wearing his stained butcher's apron, would greet me at the door with a cheery hello. I walked to school every day by myself. My parents left the front door unlocked. Mom's greatest caution to me was "Never take candy from a stranger." I don't even remember a stranger offering me candy. You see, in my town, no one was a stranger. And the person who gave me candy the most was the beloved storekeeper, Mr. Adams. To me, the world was my playground.

My hometown is still small, but I dare say kids no longer roam freely or adults leave their doors unlocked. Times have changed. And with that, all the things we must educate our kids about. Here are some areas to cover and thoughts to share when the questions come, and if they never come, the things you as a parent are responsible to communicate in order to adequately prepare your child for life.

ABOUT WAR

Never a better time than the present day to sit down with your child and have a heart-to-heart talk. He is hearing things "out there" that can be confusing and frightening. He needs the reassurance of a stable parent in times like these. Stay informed. Answer his questions honestly, with just enough information to satisfy. Your tone of voice and facial manner will communicate fear, uneasiness, or confidence in a God who is in control of our lives, as well as the lives of the rulers of the world. Take him to scripture. Memorize passages of comfort and faith. Tell him the stories of times past. War and the threat of global conflict and unrest have always been an issue. Take him to the Lord in prayer. Hug him often. Surround him with good and happy things. Use discretion in viewing the news. Take practical steps to collect necessary items in case of an emergency, but don't obsess. Model strength, faith, and peace before him and he will take those things with him wherever he goes. He will most likely reflect your attitude and state of mind.

ABOUT DRUGS

Teach your child the facts about drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Don't just assume the school system is doing its job. You are the parent. Make sure your child knows the reality of what drug use can do to the mind, body, and spirit. If possible and appropriate, tour a drug rehab center. A firsthand view of what drug detox really involves can be eye opening. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words. Again, use scripture as the foundation for this training, as well as all others. The child must know that his body, as a believer, is the temple of the Holy Spirit and what he puts into it is either a disgrace or an honor to the Lord of lords! Even if the child is not a Christian, as an awesome creation of God, created in His image, he owes it to himself to keep his body free from harmful substances that undermine God's work.

ABOUT PEERS

This area is closely related to the above topic. We firmly believe that peers will either make or break a young person! Especially as a child moves into junior high and his major support is shifting from parents to other teens. Teach your child early on to choose friends wisely. Lead your child in a study of Proverbs, a practical guide to godliness in all areas of life. Help him list characteristics of a good friend. Solomon addresses our choice of companions often, which makes this old book as timely today as it was thousands of years ago. This one area alone is a major reason why a family should consider Christian education as an alternative to public schooling. Not isolation, but better opportunities to choose wisely. Rather than be thrown into a sea of multiple choices, it narrows the playing field, which is easier for a child in the formative years. Parents are close at hand to model values, monitor mistakes, and encourage godly decision-making.

ABOUT SEX

If you have been open in answering questions from day one, then this should not be a difficult area to communicate. Again, your attitude and availability will make all the difference. I (Eileen) remember our nine-year-old running into the kitchen from playtime. I was busy washing dishes, but I could tell something was on her mind. She didn't wait for me to ask. She blurted out, "So, how does one DO IT?" "Do what?" I countered. "Have sex?" she questioned. She felt comfortable coming to me because I had always been straightforward in answering her questions in the past. I pulled up a chair, and quietly explained the process of intercourse. Rather than being shocked, she simply replied, "Oh, okay." And ran back outside to play. I can only imagine that she had gone to set her friend straight or reaffirm what she had already heard.

Again, the scriptures are our basis for all of life. Show them the beauty of sexual love within a marriage. But teach them that God has guidelines set up for our good and not our harm, that we may not bring evil upon others and ourselves. Emphasize purity in the growing years. Read good books together to lay the foundation. Preparing for Adolescence by James Dobson is an excellent study, including book and tapes. We used this on our get-a-way overnight for mom and daughter when each girl turned twelve. Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot is another good set of tapes. The Josh Harris book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is great for encouraging abstinence. Very honest and forthright in his approach, he recommends emphasizing group ministry over the dating game. In this way, young people get to know one another in a truer setting than when they isolate themselves. Also helps avert temptation and promote purity.

ABOUT PREDATORS

Not just "don't take candy from a stranger anymore." With the explosion of Internet use, the dangers have significantly increased. Chat rooms can lead to stalking right in your own neighborhood. Warn your child and set limits and guidelines for online use. Stay educated yourself. Technology has changed even in our children’s lifetime. That's how fast things are moving! Get advice from police officers. Join a neighborhood watch program. Some practical things to remember:

1.  Have keys in hand before going to your car.

2.  Be aware that some predators hide under cars and pull their victims by the ankle.

3.  Walk to your car with confidence. Keep purse tucked under your arm, not swinging to your back.

4.  Get in the passenger door if a van or car parked beside you looks suspicious. Some predators pull their victims in when the person goes to get in the driver's side.

5.  Keep car doors locked at stoplights and intersections.

6.  Don't walk alone, especially at night. Always pair up.

7.  Avoid unlit areas and unknown areas.

8.  Report strange activity to your local police.

9.  Scream loudly if attacked. This will often scare a predator away for fear of being detected.

10.If put in a car trunk, kick out the taillights, and stick your hand through the hole to flag down the car traveling behind.

These are not items we like to think about for our kids or ourselves, but we need to make them aware of safety measures. The main thing is TALK TO YOUR KIDS, LISTEN TO THEIR QUESTIONS, AND ANSWER WITH CONFIDENCE. Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know; let's find out about this together." Prayerfully, with these guidelines in place, you can tell your child the truth about life without scaring him to death.

This House was Made to Live In

Okay, how many "out there" will stand up with me and courageously proclaim:

Hi, my name is ____________ and I am a compulsive housekeeper.

Need a little help identifying yourself?

The Random House College Dictionary defines compulsion as "an obsessive need to achieve some desired ideal of behavior." In this instance, the desired ideal is a clean house.

But what is clean? Ask ten different women what a clean house means and you might receive ten different answers.

For the compulsive housekeeper, "clean" is never fully realized. There is always one more lint speck to pick off the carpet or one more smudge to wipe off a window or one more minute dirty spot to scrub off the kitchen linoleum. In her mind, it never stops.

If you are one of these scrupulous housekeepers, you can identify completely.

Want some relief? Consider the following:

1)  CHANGE YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM.

Rather than thinking of yourself as a housekeeper, think of yourself as a homemaker. There is a world of difference. Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

"Building" a home that values each family member and seeks to develop godly character by emphasizing the fruit of the Spirit is a sharp contrast to merely building a house that showcases polished silver and gleaming woodwork.

One focuses on people. The other focuses on possessions.

Which would you rather invest your life and love in? People who can throw their arms around you, offering hugs and kisses or on possessions that sit in a corner gathering dust and couldn’t care less about all your efforts?

FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE.

2)   MAKE A PLAN FOR HOUSEKEEPING.

And then stick to it! Allot a certain amount of time each day to care for the physical needs of the house, such as vacuuming, dusting, mopping, or washing clothes. With my plan, I wash clothes on Monday, fold on Tuesday, dust and vacuum on Thursday, clean the bathrooms and mop on Friday. Tailor your plan to suit the needs of your household. Stick to your plan and you will soon discover you are not as compulsive in your housekeeping as you once were.

3)   PULL THE KIDS IN ON THE ACT.

If your compulsion stems from a need for control, this will really test your limits! However, even young children can help with simple chores. In all truth, this stage of life can be one of the greatest growth experiences for the compulsive house-keeper (except perhaps the teenage phase =). Don't despair. Remember, it all goes back to what is really important:  building a home where each member's contribution is valued. Lower your standards, accepting the stage of development each child is in, and thanking him for his efforts. Resist the temptation to rush in and redo what he has already done.  

With some focus and discipline, you CAN overcome compulsive housekeeping, building a home that is truly a joy to live in!   

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What to Look for in a Presidential Candidate

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What Can I Do Today to Make a Difference?

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." 

Edmund Burke

Politics and Christianity. Some, even Christians, grimace at the suggestion. But just what is our role as Christian citizens in a culture characterized by abortion, same-sex marriage, euthanasia, stem cell research, cloning, pornography, and the new tolerance?

Some believe Christians ought to stay buried behind the church doors and stay out of politics. But is that really biblical? Check out Old Testament instruction. Psalm 97:10 says, "Hate evil, you who love the Lord" and Psalm 82:3-4, "Vindicate the weak and fatherless; do justice to the afflicted and destitute. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them out of the hand of the wicked." If government is practicing evil, then as believers we are admonished to speak out.

Furthermore, the New Testament encourages our responsibility to governing officials. Romans 13 teaches us to respect our leaders and to pray for them assuming that they are ministers of good, not evil. But what if they are enacting laws that fly in the face of the Scripture and God's holy ordinances? Do we still obey?

Jesus' disciples serve as a good role model here. Unashamedly preaching Christ even when threatened by the government and thrown into prison, they boldly proclaimed, "We must obey God rather than men." That is to be the principle by which we live and witness. If government policy ignores the teachings of Christ and blatantly disregards godly principles, such as the sanctity of human life, then we answer to a higher authority.

In the New Testament, bold, courageous followers of Jesus were willing to go to the lions' arena for publicly proclaiming Christ in the culture in which they lived. John the Baptist lost his head for decrying Herod's illicit relationship with his brother's wife. Would it have been better for John to stay hidden in the wilderness preaching to the tumbleweeds? Some might say so. At least he would have kept his head. New Testament believers knew nothing of this dichotomy of church and state that we hear so much about today. To be a Christian influenced EVERY area of life.

With such a rich heritage, how did we 21st century Christians get so soft, passive, and timid? Every age has had its martyrs, even the age in which we live. Sometimes we forget that today thousands are killed for their faith in other lands. Think back. Many lost their lives speaking out against slavery and even civil rights in the 60's. Deitrich Bonhoeffer was hanged for publicly criticizing Nazi Germany and the ten Boom family was imprisoned for hiding Jews during WW II.

What moved them to look beyond their fear and reach out in love to the weak, the captive, and the unjustly tormented? Corrie ten Boom's sister was asked that very question one day. She replied, "I don't want to hide the Jews. I would rather stay here safely in my home with my clock maker father and my sister and pretend all is well. But the LOVE OF JESUS CONSTRAINS ME. I cannot be silent."

It makes me wonder if we have lost our first love. We are no longer driven by passion for Jesus. Coming back to Him means allowing ourselves to be relentlessly pursued by the lover of our souls and then being willing to serve Him no matter the cost, knowing that anything less is not worth living for.

How then can we make a difference in our corner of the world? Here are some suggestions. You can add to the list.

1) Pray--our first and foremost responsibility.

2) Write your congressman/senator when a bill hits the floor that goes against religious liberty or moral principle.

3)  Call your representative to let him/her know your position. (When God's people band together, officials take notice. Many times, multiple phone calls have been the very thing that turned the tide in the favor of Christians).

4)  Sign up with an organization that can keep you informed about legislative alerts. Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America, and America's Center for Law and Justice are just a few of the good ones.

5)  Pray at an abortion mill with a group of others.

6)  Attend a "March for Life" in Washington, D.C conducted every January.

7)  Volunteer at a local crisis pregnancy center, rescue mission, youth house, or children's home.

8)  Form a prayer group specifically targeting cultural issues.

9)  Boycott stores that sell pornography.

10)As a parent, encourage libraries and schools to put a blocker on pornography on the internet.

The important thing is CHOOSE ONE THING TODAY you can do to make a difference in your world and let your Christian testimony shine through. You will be in good company with 1st century believers who will be cheering from their stands in glory! As for me and my house, we WILL serve the Lord!

Strategies for Loving Detachment

You made it past the 2:00 a.m. feedings, the mountain of diapers, the temper tantrums, homework and Little League. Now your son or daughter is a teen and you wonder how the years could have flown by so rapidly. There were days when you thought your child would never grow up and leave home. Now that time has come and you wonder, Is my teen ready to transition out of the home?

A healthy and natural separation occurs around the junior high years when a young person seeks increased independence outside the home. He is consumed with learning who he is in relation to others and where he fits into the world. He may appear distant and moody at times as he processes this phase of life. This "leaving" can sneak up and surprise a parent if he doesn't know what to expect. It is critical to adjust mentally and emotionally and provide opportunities for healthy detachment. Let your teen test the waters through exposure to outside classes, career counseling, volunteer work, mission trips, and church youth groups to determine where his gifts, talents, and interests can best be utilized. Use Proverbs as a study guide to encourage godly friendships and discuss spiritual character qualities often around the dinner table, in the car, or in the evenings when everyone is finally back home and settled for the evening. Even more importantly, let your life exhibit these qualities. Your teen will read you like a book, absorbing lessons as he observes your response to life’s situations. As has often been said, “Actions speak louder than words.” Paul says it best in Philippians 4:9: “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Be the kind of parent who is not afraid to teach with his life!

You separate from your teen physically after high school, but you do not separate spiritually. Now is the time to pray for your child more than ever. Prayer is the best gift you can offer. Hopefully, you have been praying for him and with him all during his life. The teen may leave, but he can not escape your prayers. The Father is watching and your teen is in His arms.

Our girls are now 33, 30, and 26, married with families of their own. Here are some suggestions we found helpful in lovingly detaching from our young adult children while helping them transition out of the home.

Be aware that transition times are the hardest. 

Helping your young person move to complete independence requires thinking through the practical affairs of living. Sit down together with your teen and talk about goals. Write any thoughts down on paper. Will your child get a job or go to college? If he chooses college, will he work to pay his way or will you offer financial assistance? Will he purchase a car? When? Each child and each situation is different, so it is important to sit down together and map out a strategy in keeping with the child's goals and available resources. Carol Kuykendall has written an excellent book published by Tyndale House titled, Give Them Wings, on preparing your teen to leave home. She shows parents how to help their teens set goals for themselves, manage finances, maintain a car, do laundry, as well as other life skills necessary for living on one’s own. A church friend loaned the book to me during my daughter’s senior year of high school. I found the advice timely, practical, and comforting. I highly recommend it to you for additional help in this time of transition.

When your teen is "under his own roof" financially, then he can make his own decisions.

As long as you are footing the bill for college or any other venture, your teen is accountable to you and has not fully left. Finance leads to freedom which leads to independence. We encouraged each of our girls to seek part time employment during  high school in order to assist with college. While they were not financially independent from mom and dad, they developed a healthy appreciation for what it takes to live on one’s own. They set up savings and checking accounts and learned how to manage both. They helped with the family car expenses, such as gas, repairs, and insurance. They understood that as long as mom and dad were paying for college or gap year experiences, they needed to consult with us about their plans. Thankfully, we have been able to add our blessing to our girls’ dreams, and therefore have not had difficulty providing financial backing on that score. If, in your case, you do find it difficult to mentally or spiritually support your child’s aspirations, and after prayer, counsel, and communication with your teen, discover he still feels inclined to follow his dream, then you will need to release that child to fund himself.

Set boundaries before your teen leaves home. 

Establish some plan for phone calls, emails, or letters. If your child has left the home financially independent, then he is no longer a child. He has moved from Ephesians 6:1--"Children, obey your parents in the Lord" to Ephesians 6:2--"Honor your father and mother." If he has been taught from the cradle to respect your authority in a way that has been loving and also respectful to him, then most likely he will continue to honor you through his actions and words. To do so shows true maturity on his part. Don't overload your grown child with advice. During these transition years, it may seem as if he needs you one minute and casts you aside the next. Be patient as he moves toward full independence. Allow him to learn what you had to learn by experiencing life. And by all means, keep praying!

 Words You Can Leave With Your Teen

In writing this article, I asked my counselor husband, Chuck, what he would say to a young person leaving home for the first time. He jokingly said, "I'd say the same thing I'd say to you when you go to the beauty shop: 'Good luck to ya!'" On a more serious note, here are some things he shared.

It's okay to grieve your loss of childhood. 

Crying is not a sign of weakness or dependence. Don't try to be strong for mom and dad. Share your feelings. Once shared, they don't seem like the monster you thought they were. In dealing with our own grief at letting the girls go, Chuck and I discovered that hiding our tears only served to hinder open and honest communication. Letting go of the tears when needed made us realize the emotions were not as uncontrollable as we had feared, while letting our teen know that it is okay to grieve the transitions. Change is just a healthy part of life that needs to be addressed. When we expressed our emotion with our girls, they seemed relieved. Tension lifted, freeing them to reciprocate with shared emotion.

          

Furthermore, even though you are grown and leaving home, you are still loved and covered by mom and dad’s prayers. You can never go beyond the reach of your parents’ prayers on your behalf. Mom and Dad will be here for you when you need them. 

Remember whose you are. 

God made you and you are accountable to Him. When no one else is watching, God is. If you have received Christ as your Saviour and Lord, you have been purchased by the precious blood of Jesus. You belong to Him. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

            

Remember the godly teaching passed down to you by your parents and church leaders. Proverbs 6:20-22 says, "My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you." At each graduation, we left our girls with 3 John 1:4: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." In this way, we pictured a bright, victorious spiritual future for each of our girls.

             

A helpful resource as you prepare for this transition is the book by Helen Neinast and Thomas Ettinger titled, What About God? Now That You’re Off to College. Published by the Upper Room, this book provides daily devotionals which prepare teens for college with spiritual writings, daily readings, prayers, and ideas for journaling.

           

Make it a lifetime goal to build an intimate relationship with God. 

As you do, He will direct your steps. My second daughter, Michelle, and I sat on the beach soaking up the sun and watching the waves lap the shore. At one point, she turned to me and said, "Do you ever feel stuck?" I replied, "Yes, there have been times in my life when I have felt that way."  Moving into her senior year, she was concerned that she had no clear direction from God for her future beyond high school. I assured her that God would lead one step at a time as she read His Word and talked to Him about every aspect of her life. Michelle was still uncertain about the next step to take after a year at our local community college, so we asked her to write down what she did know right then. She responded that she learned from a secular college setting that she needed to know how to defend her faith better. She had witnessed to several students and sometimes felt stumped by their questions. She had encountered professors with opinions contrary to the Bible. We asked her what step she could take to accomplish that goal. A year of Bible college seemed a logical next step in her thinking. Although difficult to leave home, Michelle took the step she believed God wanted her to take. That was several years ago. At this writing, Michelle is a graduate with a B.S. in counseling, a wife, mommy, and TeenMops Leader with Straight Street, a Christian inner city organization where both she and her husband serve fulltime. God only requires that we act on the knowledge He gives. Then He will reveal the next step in the plan.

         

Choose godly friends that will steer you in the right direction.  

This may be one of the most crucial tips I can offer. Friendships can either make you or break you. Since you no longer have the permanent support system of home, it is vital to establish a godly network away from home. The first year at college can be overwhelming as you adjust to a new room, new food, a roommate, college studies, a different routine, and possible job and car care. You need the stability that Christian friends can provide. You need at least two or three people who will direct you to the Bible for answers, who will listen and pray with you, and even cry with you when you need them to. Equally important is plugging into a Bible-believing church where you can continue to mature in your faith. Many campuses offer Christian organizations such as Campus Crusade and Inter-Varsity Fellowship designed to develop disciples and connect students with other believers.  

         

Transitioning out of the home is difficult for both parent and teen. It requires change. Change requires loss. There are two sides to the coin. You must lose in order to gain. No one likes to think about growth and maturity having negative aspects, but in order to grow, you must grow up and away from where you currently are. Loving detachment is exciting for parent and child as you both grow in God's unique purpose for your lives.