I admit it, I was
spoiled. An introvert, I’d grown content after 14 years of working at home alone
as a freelance writer, author, and creative writing tutor. I had my system down.
Carrot juice in hand (yeah, no coffee for this writer gal), I’d shuffle off to
my separate office after I kissed hubby Chuck, sending him off and out of the
house to counsel clients at his group office.
Then COVID-19 hit and
sent the proverbial best-laid plans of mice and men scurrying out the door, too.
Home alone quickly morphed into two at home when Chuck started conducting
teletherapy at home fulltime. Sacrificial wife that I am, I gave up my office
and set up a card table in the living room for the laptop while Chuck used the
desktop for sessions in a quiet, confidential space where the door could be
closed.
And thus, it was. A
closed door to my space. The one I had taken for granted yet soon
realized I cherished.
Still, I rallied my spirit
around a new plan with resolve to make the best of things, which meant helping
Chuck set up a new workspace with books and other resources carted from his
group office. It required megadoses of patience as I guided him through the
technological challenges of teletherapy, sometimes at the most inopportune
moments, while I also mastered Zoom for student sessions. A learning curve for
both of us, but since I’d learned a few things from my techy kids over the
years, I was able to assist. Thankfully. Though I didn’t always view it with
gratitude. Never mind that my grown children had patiently tutored me multiple
times as I learned how to use Word processing, navigate the web, and diagnose
computer issues.
Enter negative and sinful
behavior patterns that I knew existed, but I’d never fully dealt with. Under
the careful tutelage of the Holy Spirit, I detected areas, one by one, that
needed attention. For years, Chuck had insisted that those we discipled needed
some practical way to measure growth. The professional counselor speaking,
after all. Why not try a measurement system myself? So, I asked Chuck to join
me in prayer as I sought the Lord.
Call it readiness,
disgust with myself, desperation, old age (well, older), or all the above, but
I seemed ripe for some solid spiritual formation. What emerged was a journaling
exercise that I’m still doing. I’m now on my third refining area with a prayer,
a serious prayer, to become more like my Jesus, my Savior and Lord, but also my
gentle, humble Teacher.
The specific daily journaling
over a three-week period (I advise at least that amount of time) on one growth
area has helped me see how well I’m doing listening, trusting, and obeying my
Teacher. A brief note for each day indicates the trigger situation and/or
person and my response to the trigger, whether good or bad. The exercise
provides its own form of accountability, but I’ve also alerted my special women
prayer warriors to lift me up to the Throne as I work with the Holy Spirit in
each area.
Psalm 46:10, “Be still
and know that I am God” has powered me through many pivotal choice moments when
the scales could tip either way (obey or disobey). The reminder brings pause, a
spiritual breather, if not a physical and emotional one as well. God assures me
in that moment that I can trust Him even when things seem out of control for
this obsessive-compulsive-prone gal. Rather than react—blurt out whatever’s in
my head—I grow quiet, even if only for a few moments to consider a godly
response.
The happy news—Chuck says
I’m making progress in my journaled areas! Since we are pretty much together
24/7, his is the feedback I desire the most. After all, we are the most real
with the people we live with. My love and respect toward my husband are the
true indicators of how well I really love and respect my Lord. That’s painful
to hear, but so necessary for growth. I’m learning in a deeper way that
submitting to the discipline of the Lord really does produce the peaceful fruit
of right living, especially with the one closest to me, my spouse.
Home alone? Yeah, nice,
has its perks. But I think I’m finally growing up, which is the fulfillment of
a lifelong dream. And having extra laundry and yard help isn’t a bad perk,
either.
