Home Alone? A Wife Grows Up During COVID

 

I admit it, I was spoiled. An introvert, I’d grown content after 14 years of working at home alone as a freelance writer, author, and creative writing tutor. I had my system down. Carrot juice in hand (yeah, no coffee for this writer gal), I’d shuffle off to my separate office after I kissed hubby Chuck, sending him off and out of the house to counsel clients at his group office.

Then COVID-19 hit and sent the proverbial best-laid plans of mice and men scurrying out the door, too. Home alone quickly morphed into two at home when Chuck started conducting teletherapy at home fulltime. Sacrificial wife that I am, I gave up my office and set up a card table in the living room for the laptop while Chuck used the desktop for sessions in a quiet, confidential space where the door could be closed.

And thus, it was. A closed door to my space. The one I had taken for granted yet soon realized I cherished.  

Still, I rallied my spirit around a new plan with resolve to make the best of things, which meant helping Chuck set up a new workspace with books and other resources carted from his group office. It required megadoses of patience as I guided him through the technological challenges of teletherapy, sometimes at the most inopportune moments, while I also mastered Zoom for student sessions. A learning curve for both of us, but since I’d learned a few things from my techy kids over the years, I was able to assist. Thankfully. Though I didn’t always view it with gratitude. Never mind that my grown children had patiently tutored me multiple times as I learned how to use Word processing, navigate the web, and diagnose computer issues.   

Enter negative and sinful behavior patterns that I knew existed, but I’d never fully dealt with. Under the careful tutelage of the Holy Spirit, I detected areas, one by one, that needed attention. For years, Chuck had insisted that those we discipled needed some practical way to measure growth. The professional counselor speaking, after all. Why not try a measurement system myself? So, I asked Chuck to join me in prayer as I sought the Lord.

Call it readiness, disgust with myself, desperation, old age (well, older), or all the above, but I seemed ripe for some solid spiritual formation. What emerged was a journaling exercise that I’m still doing. I’m now on my third refining area with a prayer, a serious prayer, to become more like my Jesus, my Savior and Lord, but also my gentle, humble Teacher.

The specific daily journaling over a three-week period (I advise at least that amount of time) on one growth area has helped me see how well I’m doing listening, trusting, and obeying my Teacher. A brief note for each day indicates the trigger situation and/or person and my response to the trigger, whether good or bad. The exercise provides its own form of accountability, but I’ve also alerted my special women prayer warriors to lift me up to the Throne as I work with the Holy Spirit in each area.

Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God” has powered me through many pivotal choice moments when the scales could tip either way (obey or disobey). The reminder brings pause, a spiritual breather, if not a physical and emotional one as well. God assures me in that moment that I can trust Him even when things seem out of control for this obsessive-compulsive-prone gal. Rather than react—blurt out whatever’s in my head—I grow quiet, even if only for a few moments to consider a godly response.

The happy news—Chuck says I’m making progress in my journaled areas! Since we are pretty much together 24/7, his is the feedback I desire the most. After all, we are the most real with the people we live with. My love and respect toward my husband are the true indicators of how well I really love and respect my Lord. That’s painful to hear, but so necessary for growth. I’m learning in a deeper way that submitting to the discipline of the Lord really does produce the peaceful fruit of right living, especially with the one closest to me, my spouse.   

Home alone? Yeah, nice, has its perks. But I think I’m finally growing up, which is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. And having extra laundry and yard help isn’t a bad perk, either.