Brett and Linda struggled with the challenge of infertility
for over five years when they decided that adoption was the path on which God
was leading them. Brett readily admits that trying to conceive was a trial, filled
with much disappointment and grief, but one which he believes had a
God-ordained purpose.
Early attempts to conceive, with no results, left both Brett
and Linda frustrated over not being able to attain a goal they had come to
expect as a married couple. Over time, Linda’s frustration turned into anger,
despair, and helplessness as she realized that she might never become pregnant.
Linda says, “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make it happen. I was mad
at God, but did not turn away from Him as I had in my earlier Christian walk
when I didn’t get my way.” Although Linda fought with God she always drew to
Him for comfort. Prior loss issues had taught her to rely heavily on Him. She
was willing to trust Him with the infertility, clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 for
strength: “’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord,
‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’”
Linda confesses that the desire for a family was extremely
difficult to relinquish to God. Since every month brought renewed hope, Linda
struggled to continually lay her desires at Jesus’ feet. She reports that, “at
the same time I was trying to relinquish, we were trying to get pregnant. It
was like I had glue on my hands, as I tried desperately to submit my will to
the Father.”
Over time, Brett and Linda realized that what had been their
dream was not God’s dream for them. It was such a painful period in their
lives. They still ache when they think about it. It was a huge loss,
accompanied by a real period of grieving.
However, Linda shares that the Lord spoke directly to her
when she was probably at her lowest point. She relates the following story.
One Saturday morning,
I was talking on the phone with my mother who lives in Mississippi. Not wanting
to worry her, I had never been transparent with Mother about the intensity of
my pain, until today. I knew she was praying for us, but I simply could not shield
my tears from her any longer. As I wept over the phone, I remember saying to
her, “Mother, I’ve done everything I know to do…I don’t know what else I’m
supposed to do…I just don’t know what else I’m supposed to do…!”
The next day after
church, Mother called me. I thought that was odd since we had just spoken the
day before. She said she had something to share with me. That morning, Mother
had gone to church as she always does and she was chatting with an old family
friend, Irene, after Sunday School. Irene knew nothing about our struggle to
have a family. That morning Irene asked about me. Mother said, “Well, it’s
funny that you would ask about Linda. She and her husband are really struggling
to have a family and Linda is very sad.” Irene then said, “I had a dream about
Linda last night. She was very sad and tearful and kept saying, ‘I’ve done everything
I know to do…I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do…I just don’t know what
else I’m supposed to do!’ I said in the dream, ‘Linda, just trust God, let go
and trust God,’ and then Linda said, ‘Oh, I have and I will…’” And that was the
end of Irene’s dream.
Well, needless to say,
I knew God had spoken to me. I knew He had not abandoned me. About a month
after that incident with Irene, Brett and I began to tentatively get
information on adoption. I say tentatively, because if birthing our family was
not God’s plan (and I had thought surely it was), then I thought that adopting
our children might not be His plan either. Perhaps He wanted us childless for a
reason only He knew. But as is always the case, when one gets on the same page
with God, things begin to happen. And happen they did! Alec was in our arms
within four months of our first adoption inquiry. The Lord obviously blew the
doors wide open, and Brett and I both took that as affirmation that we were in
the deep channels of His will.
Brett and Linda believe that God turned their loss into gain
by providing them with the incredible privilege of experiencing adoption—not
once, but twice! They share the following:
Just as I am sure it
is hard for others to put into words the birthing experience, it is hard for us
to put into words the adoption experience. It reached far into the deepest
level of our souls. Not to mention that the Lord blew the doors open for
us—there was no obstacle anywhere. We didn’t have the money, but the Lord sent
us money. We thought we would have to wait forever, but we waited less than three
months! Then, when we began pursuing our second adoption, the Lord did the same
thing.
We are the proud parents
of two beautiful boys. I can’t imagine them not being our sons. The Lord sent
us many small confirmations along the way to let us know that He had always
intended Alec and Clay to be our sons. For example, Brett and I, unknowingly,
used the same names for our boys that both the birth mothers had used. Alec’s birth
mother had named him Taylor Alexander, we used Matthew Alec. Clay’s birth
mother had used Stephen John, we used Stephen Clay. There are tons of names out
there. We don’t think our choice was coincidental.
I (Linda) must say
that one of the enormous gains of being called to adoption is a deeply personal
understanding that God has adopted me as His daughter. As a Christian, I had
always understood that fact, but I never felt that fact with the intensity that
I do now. I am the adopted daughter of God Almighty and nothing will ever sever
that bond. Our boys will grow up understanding the incredible love involved in
being adopted by their earthly parents, which only foreshadows a far greater
love beckoning them to the highest privilege as adopted sons of their heavenly
Father.
Still, Brett and Linda admit that there have been
adjustments along the way. “The major adjustment was aligning our way of
thinking to God’s way of thinking and moving,” say Brett and Linda. “Once that
process was finally done, we would have to say there has been no real adjusting
at all regarding infertility. We simply moved forward in the incredible joy of
having our two beautiful boys. However, we must say that the whole adoption process
almost seemed like an ‘out of body’ experience at times. Especially the day we
brought Alec home, and, to a lesser extent, the day we brought Clay home. It
was incredibly emotional, and indeed miraculous, and yet so surrealistic,” the
couple concludes.
Linda shares that “looking back on our experience I only wish
I could have relinquished earlier. But as I said before, my hands had glue on
them! However in all honesty, I don’t know if that was possible. It was a
journey that we had to take to bring us to the crossroads to receive Alec and
Clay. Had we gotten there earlier and pursued adoption earlier, neither Alec
nor Clay would have been there! I would relive every ounce of pain a hundred
times over to be their mother.”
Linda continues, “I encourage couples to remain steadfast in
their trust in God. Yes, you are on unemotional roller coaster, but at the end
of today always know that you are His child and He hasn’t left you hanging in
the wind. He will unfold His plan for
you in His time. In your anger and frustration, always run to Him. He is your only comfort.”
~~
One topic my new release, Laughing with Lily, deals with is adoption. With many twists and turns and surprises along the way, this novel would make a great Mother's Day gift!
