Single Savvy

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil."   -Ephesians 5:15-16

Once in awhile, I meet a Christian single who is very dissatisfied with his lot in life. He seems to be hovering over life, fixed in a holding pattern, until God reveals that perfect mate who will share life and ministry and make his life complete. I can't help but feel sorry for that type of person. He is never content. Because he is so busy gazing on what he thinks are greener, more productive pastures, he misses God's will for him today. How sad, and how unnecessary. God has called each of us to a particular station in life. That station may change, just as the seasons change, but each is for a specific purpose.

Therefore, it behooves the single person to be careful how he conducts his life. I like to call it having "single savvy."  The Random House Dictionary defines "savvy" as being "wise, having understanding." Ephesians 5 picks up this thought when it encourages all of us--single and married alike--to be wise, to make the most of our time. Why? Because the days are evil. Just look around you. It doesn't take long to figure that out. Billboards blare out provocative images. Television and movies splash sexual acts across the screen and into our living rooms. Gay and lesbian militants scream for legalized homosexual marriage and the right to adopt children. A government who prays before every session casts prayer out of its nation's schools. Need I say more? The days are indeed evil. So, how can the single find purpose in his current situation, walk as a wise person, and make the most of his time in these evil days? I offer these suggestions:

1)  WALK IN LOVE. 

Ephesians 5:2 says to "walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."  Focus your energies on loving people, just as Jesus loves and forgives you. Look beyond yourself to others and serve them. What drives you? What talents, gifts, and passions has God put within your heart? You may have more time and energy to devote to the Lord's work now while you are single. If and when you marry, your energies will be divided. Find projects, people, missions you can invest in now that may be difficult to impossible to invest in later should you wed.

Furthermore, all of us battle lust at some time or another, but the temptation may be even greater for the single. Channel that energy into service. Avoid viewing the opposite sex as objects. Think of them as real, living, breathing people made in God's image, who have a personality, a heart and soul, and therefore, true value. Pray for them and their family, even though you may not know them. Prayer can help transform lust into love. Flee places you know are evil and are promoting lust rather than love.

As your life exudes love, you will be releasing a fragrant aroma of witness for God.

2)  WALK IN FAITH.

Colossians 2:6-7 says that "as you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude." How did you receive Jesus? By faith. So how do you walk in Him? By faith. Use this period in your life to devote large chunks of time to Bible study and prayer. Attend singles' Bible studies. But don't limit yourself to just singles' groups. Diversify. Mingle with several different age groups. Guide the young. Learn from the old. Keep an open mind, but always be directed by God's truth. Let the Word of God act as a filter for every idea, philosophy, or book that comes across your path. Concentrate on surrounding your life with people, places, and things that will build you up in the faith. And believe that God has your best interests at heart. His plan is always best.

3)  WALK IN CONTENTMENT

Paul says in Philippians 4:11:  "Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in." Paul had learned from experience how to walk in humility, yet he boldly and unashamedly proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our Lord also learned humility and obedience by the things he endured. What an example of contentment they left us!

What an awesome privilege and responsibility the Christian single has to show the world contentment! To be an ambassador of Jesus Christ! To manage each day as it comes, and let tomorrow take care of itself! To let go of the past, refuse to dwell on the future, and simply live in the present. To fall in love with Jesus and serve Him faithfully now!

This can be one of the greatest times in your life, as you seize each day for God's Kingdom glory!

"....making the most of your time, for the days are evil."

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A Call to Reflection

I don’t know about you, but the New Year breeds new hope.I consider this a time to start fresh with a clean slate before me.

Take the month of January to assess your life, marriage, and ministry. Pull out your Bible and journal and spend some quiet time with the Lord. Below are some statements to ponder. They are certainly not all-inclusive. You may add to the list as you think of areas specific to your life.

Put a check mark beside each statement that you regularly do. Then write down what you can do to take your growth a step further in this new year.

1)   I spend some time each day alone with God reading His Word and talking/listening to Him _____________.

2)   I ask God to show me His divine appointments for my day _____________.

3)   I ask questions to determine where God is working, then I join Him in the effort to win people into the Kingdom_________.

4)   I am sensitive to the needs of those God has placed in my sphere of influence_______________.

5)   I apply what I have read in God's Word to my everyday life ______________.

6)   I pray about everything, no matter how small it may seem ______________.

7)   I choose words that will build up my spouse and children _____________.

8)   I pray with and for my spouse and children every day _____________.

9)   I manage problems the day they occur______________.

10) I date my spouse once a week______________.

11) I am a student of my spouse, learning what pleases him/her, encouraging his/her interests, supporting his/her dreams _______________.

12)  I communicate with my spouse to work toward a resolution _______________.

13)  I give God my hurts, choose to forgive, and move on _______________.

14)  I live a complete life with time invested in relationships, work, and relaxation _______________. 

15)  I allow the Holy Spirit to reveal His fruit through my life (love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, kindness, gentleness)_______________.

16)  I eat a well-balanced diet_____________.

17)  I exercise at least three times a week______________.

18)  I have at least one same-sex friend whom I trust to serve as an accountability partner to encourage and challenge me in my Christian walk______________.    

19)  I offer my finances to God for His good purposes________.

20)  I am available, sensible, and flexible so that God can use me whenever, however, and wherever He desires__________.

How'd ya do? Don't despair! We are each in process. The goal of this exercise is to get you thinking! To reevaluate some areas you may have shoved in a corner of your mind and forgotten about.

Determine before God to SET SOME GOALS that are in keeping with His will for your life. The above statements are general affirmations that each of us need to assess in order to live a happy, well-ordered, God-honoring life. Perhaps they will provoke you to take your reflection to the next level--determining and setting goals that relate to your specific personality, interests, and giftedness. Now that's exciting!

No need to rush the process. Keep spending time with God. Keep journaling. Then ACT on what He tells you to do in the quietness of your heart. Remember, He will never ask you to do anything that is not in accordance with His Word, the Bible. Always test your impressions against the Scripture and bounce ideas off two or three godly, respected believers who may be able to sharpen your focus. Then watch to see how God may be lining up circumstances in a particular direction.

It all begins with a CALL TO REFLECTION. Will you accept the challenge in this new year to come away with Him? To hear His voice above the noise?

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

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Eileen Rife, author of Second Chance, speaks to women on a variety of topics. When not writing and speaking, she enjoys visiting with her grown daughters and son-in-laws, playing with her seven grandchildren, and dancing with her husband. www.eileenrife.com, www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com

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Moving Past the After-Christmas Blues

Last night at church a young mother pulled me aside before the children’s Christmas program. “I remember what you shared with our women’s group a few months ago—about how you experience the blues after Christmas is over. I can relate. I’m dreading it.” Her soft blue eyes filled with unwarranted apology.

My heart ached for the woman. I assured her she wasn’t alone. Many experience the same foreboding feelings when January rolls around. 

Here are some tips I shared with her that I’ve found helpful. Perhaps they will encourage you as well. 

Plan ahead.

Just as you prepare for the holiday season, plan for the post-holiday season. Often we’ve invested so much energy shopping, decorating, baking, and visiting family that once the holidays are over, we drop into a chair exhausted, totally spent, and without a clue how to move forward into the new year.

Treat yourself to some much-needed rest. Sleep in on the weekends. Take a “4R Rejuvenation.” This is exactly what I have planned for our Life Group ladies on January 26. We will meet together to reflect on our lives, rehearse God’s faithfulness, renew ourselves in His love, and release everything and everyone into His hands. We’ll eat together and treat ourselves to massage therapy. 

Having something fun to look forward to, preferably with others, will breathe new life into your spirit. 

Invest Time in a New Hobby.

This one thing has greatly helped me over the past two years. Two or three months before the New Year begins, I decide on an outlet I want to pursue that is fresh and new. One year, Chuck and I took a six-week Shag dance class, which got me through to the end of February. I knew the previous October that I’d have this new outlet to liven up the winter months. Another year, I invested more time in my artwork, a hobby I don’t typically spend a lot of time doing.

Take a Winter Trip. 

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to get away. A “trip” may simply mean taking a short drive to a nearby museum or concert. Or it may mean a weekend away at a Bed & Breakfast (one of our favorite getaways). Whatever the trip, plan it in the fall, so that you have something to look forward to in the winter months.

Take your Vitamin D.

This one is getting more press these days, but it was not always so. The winter blahs can sometimes be traced to a lack of sunshine, so make sure you take a good quality Vitamin D supplement to chase away fatigue and depression.  When winter sunshine shows up on your doorstep, take advantage of it. I eat lunch with the front door open, since the sun streams through the glass door. 

Keep Moving. 

After consuming all those rich holiday foods, our bodies tend to be lethargic. Couple that with cold weather and we often resist the admonition to exercise. It’s so vital to the body and the mind to keep moving. Take a walk. Sign up for an aerobics or swim class. Use the rebounder while watching your favorite television show. Set some nutritional goals or revive old ones. 

Get Involved in a Volunteer Activity.

Joy is never experienced so thoroughly as when we give ourselves away to meet the needs of another. Consider volunteering at your local Rescue Mission, food pantry, Battered Women’s Shelter, teen center, or Crisis Pregnancy Center. 

Get Together with Friends.

It’s easy to pull within ourselves after a busy Christmas season. Resist the urge to do so. We need each other! Go out for coffee. Invite a friend over. Knit or talk or bake, or whatever it is you love to do, with someone else. 

Stay Close to the Lord.

Sometimes during the busyness of the holiday season, we let our devotional lives slip. We talk about the Lord; we do things for the Lord, but we fail to spend quiet time in His presence. Thus we enter the New Year spiritually depleted, longing for love and fulfillment. If we’re not careful, we’ll allow Satan, the flesh, and the world to complete our desires rather than turning to Jesus. Monitor your temptations according to 1 John 2:16 (the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life). Remember that God wants to provide the way of escape if you will draw close to Him (1 Cor. 10:13). Surround yourself with the Body of Christ—don’t isolate. 

According to Philippians 4:9, often we simply have to do the right things before we feel like doing them. God will honor our godly actions with good feelings of joy and peace. 

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